We need to get to a point in our lives where we admit we need help. Are you at this point? So desperate that you’re willing to risk the comfort and security of the known to brave the healing and hope of the unknown?
I am. Just over a decade ago, I chose a lustful, unhealthy relationship with Ashton (my husband) over a loving relationship with God, my Savior. I’ve been living my life as an unintentional “Christian” since then. The last ten years of my life were forged with compromise after compromise on my behalf. I made a series of heart-defined choices – mistakes, actually – that caused me to fall and constantly struggle to get back up… until now. I’VE HAD IT; I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!
I’ve been so caught up in who I’m not. I’ve believed lies from the enemy for far too long. It’s time to forget what the world – including my husband – has told me. It’s time to re-evaluate who I truly am, because something is just so broken inside of me. It’s time to figure this out and mend it before it’s too late.
A few days ago (Friday), I decided that it was time to rededicate my life to the Lord. My husband’s emotionally destructive behavior toward me has, once again, pushed me over the edge. I’ve been having severe emotional breakdowns.
My husband did not support my decision to rededicate my life to Jesus. He’s agnostic. But, I don’t care anymore. I love Ashton unconditionally, but he can be a controlling, manipulative narcissist and I am tired of living my life dictated by his every whim and woe.
I want real love; I need Jesus.
So, this morning, I rededicated my life to Jesus with a simple prayer. No more excuses; I’m too desperate. I allowed my husband to strip away my identity for a decade until I was left with nothing. Today, out of desperation, I rediscovered hope. Today, I took the first step and reclaimed my identity and worth in Christ. Today, I begin to heal, one intentional act at a time.